Podeli
Foto:Instagram/tedgonder

Ted Gonder, ponosni otac troje dece, odlučio je da podeli svoje iskustvo kroz dirljivo pismo 24-godišnjem sebi - a zapravo svim budućim mladim tatama.

Ted (29) ima troje dece sa suprugom Franciskom, za koju kaže da ih je “nosila i rodila kao profesionalka”. On se trudio da bude brižan i podržavajući muž, a kroz pismo 24-godišnjaku bez dece želi da podeli ono što je usput naučio i napravi podsetnik za muškarce koji postaju roditelji.

1. Pomozite joj da se oporavi

‘Žena je nosila dete u stomaku 9 meseci. Sad ti nosi bebu na stomaku devet meseci u svakoj prilici. Ne samo da će joj to pomoći da se oporavi, već ćeš se i ti vezati za svoje dete više nego što možeš da zamisliš.

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My wife @franzilovesmondays with a brilliant dose of perspective, truth, and gratitude. ⠀⠀ “Lets talk #paternityleave – I have never felt so emotionally safe and protected than during this postpartum journey. Why? Because @tedgonder had the chance to take a 4-week paternity leave from his #remote leadership position while kids were on summer break and new life moved into our house. Here is what this meant for us and got me thinking about: – he was able to take the boys on adventurous afternoons and get their energy out while I recovered and rested with little Atlas – we were able to sync as a family and feel connected from day one (and yes…that is important for dads too!!) – we share the love, the new emotional labor of caring for another child, and the commitment to making this family adventure a meaningful one (not exhausting one) for all of us – because I was living with and surrounded by my sister, our best friend and the kids' god father and my husband plus my mum I never had the feeling that I have to toughen up and just do it on my own. Where are all the communities and mama supporters these days? How have we as mums gotten to the point where motherhood is a race to the top rather than a shared vision of raising a village of strong, fun, fulfilled, and connected kids? – have we ever thought about the correlation of postpartum #depression and loneliness? Becoming a mom…no matter whether its for the first, second, or fifth time is a hormonal and physical sensation that should be a) appreciated and b) enjoyed… With my husband at home I feel like I was 100% able to do so. – last but not least: those boys are also my husband's kids. He loves them. He wants to be around them. He wants to make them feel like that we are a strong-rooted family… So why would he not benefit emotionally from this break of everyday work-AND family life and just be a #dad for a moment? ⠀⠀ As an entrepreneurial family, I am shouting this out to all other fellow entrepreneurs thinking about the #mentalhealth of their employees. Be at the forefront of making life possible for your teams- that is how potential and productivity get unleashed” #mytinytribe #baby #mom #digitalnomad

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2. Menjaj pelene

‘Žena doji, i iako je to za nju prekrasan i ispunjujući osjećaj, to ipak zna biti iscrpljujuće. Zato ti menjaj pelene kad god možeš. Od prve pa nadalje. Brzo ćeš prevazići gađenje, a sprečićeš neravnotežu i nezadovoljstvo u vezi.

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Zapravo, kad se sve prijateljice tvoje supruge budu žalile kako su njihovi muževi odsutni i ne podržavaju ih, tvoja će imati čime da se pohvali’.

3. Pokaži zahvalnost kroz jednostavne stvari

‘Napravi joj kafu bez kofeina svako jutro. Čak i ako je pusti da se ohladi ili zaboravi da je popije jer je zaspala dok ti vodiš decu u vrtić. Bila je budna celu noć hraneći dete, pomozi joj da započne dan odmorna.’

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My wife @franzilovesmonday is such a badass. 39 weeks pregnant 🤰 and still getting in her 10,000 steps per day, crushing yoga and kettlebell flows, working practically full time for two clients, and being an awesome mom. – She does it all because she loves it all, and she is 100% shamelessly herself. – Which also means she isn’t afraid to say when she is having a hard day, or that it is all too much and she needs help. – Her willingness to be herself and ask for help has invited me to rise up as a more supportive partner and engaged dad than I could have imagined myself becoming when we decided to build our family. I was still 24 and she was 27, we didn’t have any friends our age with kids, and didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into. We just had a vision for our family and knew we were going to be on this life journey together. So we leapt into it. But I was scared to the bone that I’d be an inadequate family man. – Her belief in me is a huge part of the reason I’ve proven that fear wrong for myself. – And that’s how we meet each other every single day. With realness about our human flaws and struggles, overflowing unrelenting love, the daily decision to recommit, and the easy choice to believe in each other even more than we did the previous day.

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4. Podseti je da je ona bukvalno superheroj

‘Reci joj da je lepa i pomozi joj da to vidi u trenucima kada se oseća nesigurno u svom telu. Podseti je na trenutke kada je postizala sve svoje ciljeve. Podseti je da je superheroj. Ona je bukvalno razmestila sve svoje organe i ugojila se 20 kg da bi rodila dete koje će ti biti najveći dar do kraja života. Pomozi joj da prođe kroz probleme sa svojim telom i ostane fokusirana na pozitivne ciljeve, jedan po jedan.’

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5. Uvek budi tu za nju

‘Hormoni su ludi, i pre i nakon porođaja. Ona neće biti uvek svoja i nekad će reći stvari koje inače ne bi rekla. Seti se da je tvoj posao da budeš njen oslonac kroz sve ovo, zato samo hrabro i pozitivno, kad je njen jezik oštriji nego što si mogao da zamisliš. Ona će se uskoro vratiti u normalu, a ti želiš da bude zahvalna što si je držao kad se raspadala, a ne razočarana što si omalovažavao njene emocije.

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Happy 3 year anniversary. Thrilled every day for our next half century (hopefully more) together. . Before we had three kids I loved you. And after we now have 3 kids I love you. . In your role as a mom, yes, beautiful, for sure. But also for who you are–independently of any roles or labels–I appreciate who you have become, and continue becoming every day…a truer version of yourself. I have always believed in you and always will. . And I love that we get to be on this journey (now for 7.5 years+) of choosing every day to grow together, in our little double helix of love. . Love evolves, love changes, love progresses. And the journey of experiencing all the facets of it is what fulfills me. I love falling asleep with you every night knowing that it's the same thing that fulfills you. . 😍💘💞💕💓👫🙌

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Franciska se nadovezala na Tedovu objavu i dodala nekoliko saveta. Kaže da svađa ne mora da šteti vezi, sve dok iz nje možete da učite. Naravno, ponekad stvari mogu da izmaknu kontroli, ali najbolje što oboje možete da učinite je da naučite lekciju iz ovog iskustva i sledeći put prođete još bolje.

Još jedna dobra ideja je, ističe, razgovarati o važnim temama pre nego što počnete da živite zajedno – od kućnih dužnosti do vaše vizije budućnosti, piše Bright Side.

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